As a 23 year old woman, I haven't had an extensive amount of sexual experience by any means. However, I know from myself, as well as from friends, just how different sex is when you're in a close committed relationship versus sex with someone you just meet, someone just began dating, or even a guy friend who you don't have romantic feelings for. It's not a coincidence or simply random that a sexual experience will be different with different people. Sexual satisfaction is often directly correlated with relationship status, and relationship satisfaction and positive communication after sex is often a direct result of the quality of the sexual experience.
In a study by Amanda Denes, 200 college students involved in a sexual relationship, both casual and committed, completed a survey after having sexual intercourse. The participants answered demographic questions, described the nature of the sexual activity, answered whether or not they orgasmed, and for women if the orgasm was clitoral or penile-vaginal. Additionally, the participants completed a checklist of certain sexual acts they did or did not do, including hugging, kissing, oral sex, and hand stimulation. Next, the students answered what kind of verbal communication they had during sex, and after sex, and rated whether it was positive or negative. Finally, the participants responded to questions on relationship satisfaction, relationship commitment and love, trust, closeness, and whether or not they have regrets in regards to disclosing to their partners.
The results of the study found how relationship status, communication during sex, and orgasm all effect sexual satisfaction and communication after sex. First of all, "positive relational disclosures after sexual activity are significantly and positively correlated with trust, relationship satisfaction, and closeness"(Denes). Second, women who orgasmed had more positive disclosures than men, and as the amount of positive disclosures after sex increased, so did both men and women's reports of "trust, relationship satisfaction, and closeness". Third, for the women who did orgasmed, whether the orgasm was from clitoral stimulation or pineal-vaginal intercourse, did not affect any results. Finally, "individuals in monogamous/committed relationships engage in more positive relational disclosures than those in open/casual relationships and have less feelings of regret and more relationship satisfaction after their positive relation disclosures following sexual activity." (Denes)
So bottom line - sex is better for both people involved when both the male and female has an orgasm, saying positive things to your partner during and after sex will better the relationship, and sex is better with a close loved one compared to a casual partner. It seems like common sense or obvious information, but the emotions that individuals feel during and after sex are correlated with a hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin is best known for its role in female reproduction, but studies have found that this hormone is also released after stimulation of the nipples and genitals, and after orgasm. "Oxytocin evokes feelings of contentment, reductions in anxiety, and feelings of calmness and security around the mate. Additionally, it has been shown to correlate with human bonding, increases in trust, and decreases in fear"(Dixie, 2007). No wonder it's known as the "love hormone"!
Everyone could use more of this hormone, and it's cool to know that you can get it through a positive sexual experience with someone you feel close, loving, and committed to. I think casual sex for many people is kind of a quick fix, but when you have the opportunity to be sexual with a loved one, it is sooo much more satisfying.
Denes, A. Pillow talk: Exploring disclosures after sexual activity. Currently in press at the Western Journal of Communication.
Meyer, Dixie (2007). Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors and their effects on relationship satisfaction. The Family Journal 15(4): 392–397.
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